MY BLOGGY AND ME, WE’RE THE BEST FRIENDS THERE COULD BE.

WOW, YOU REMEMBERED HOW TO LOG IN TO THE SITE. I’M SURPRISED AND IMPRESSED.

Suck it.

I’VE MISSED YOU, TOO.

Yeah, well, busyness and whatnot.

SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO SINCE…OHHHHH, APRIL, WAS IT?  MAY?

I’m too depressed to even look at the date of my last post.  I deliberately avoided it.

BEING THE BLOG ITSELF, YOU’D THINK I’D BE ABLE TO TELL YOU THE DATE.

Which only serves to prove that you’re not really a sentient blog, and rather you’re me writing in all caps.

CAN’T WE COMMIT TO THIS ONE FANTASTICAL GIMMICK?  I THINK PEOPLE IN GENERAL ARE STARTING TO GET NOSTALGIC FOR THE FOURTH WALL.

What have I been doing?  Lots of going to work…

WHICH GOES WITHOUT SAYING, AND WE’VE AGREED TO LEAVE WORK AT WORK.

And I’m beyond 100% fine with that.  What else?  Lots of dealings with the child.

AND HOW HAS THAT BEEN?

It’s been a lot of things, but most often it’s either a near-exact 50/50 mix of exciting/poignant or boring/frustrating.

HE’S EITHER THE REASON FOR OR THE BANE OF YOUR EXISTENCE.

That’s inaccurate and glib at best, but thank you for trying.

HE’S STARTING TO TURN INTO A PERSON.

Yeah, that’s true enough.  He can say, or rather verbally express without necessarily using the accepted English phrasing for, a surprising number of things.  He still favors “Ba!”, a noise he has always used whenever something catches his eye that he either wants you to mutually appreciate or explain, but with a slight upturn at the end it doubles for “ball”, a plaything he likes and we now have many of, all over the house.

HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THE ADDED CLUTTER?

Kiddie clutter is easier to clean up than adult clutter.  You just throw it all into a toybox and call it good.  But unless it’s a situation where I’m puncturing my foot on a plastic penguin while trying to bumble my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, most of the time I kind of like all the toys and stuff lying around.  It reminds me that he’s asleep in the next room and I’ll get to hang out with him tomorrow.

SO IT’S A STY, THEN?

Not really.  Our new place is fairly attractive in a pleasingly old-fashioned Maine kind of way, so even if things are a little messy the overall atmosphere maintains an air (if not necessarily a reality) of order that none of our previous apartments have been able to manage.  By and large we all seem to be very content here.

“SEEM”?

I can only speak with any degree of certainty for myself.  My wife and child seem in very good spirits, but I can’t read their minds.  Stop looking for probs, bloggo!

PROBS ARE WHERE IT’S AT, HOMES.

By the way, I think I should let you know that as I type this I’m also watching a movie where a two-headed gorilla is attacking people in a grocery store.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

It’s this movie:

WOW, I WISH I HAD EYES FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF WATCHING THAT.

Well, you can have mine after I gore them out once it’s over.

SIGHT AS A CONCEPT IN GENERAL BEING ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

Right.  Anyway, we were talking about words that Freddy can say.

WERE WE?  LAND, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN INTERESTING.

Somewhere my wife has written a list of these but I don’t know where it is so these are just of the top of my head: Other than “Ma-ma” and “Da-da”, there’s “wa-wa” (beverage, including but not limited to water, usually milk actually), “negnet” (magnet), “decks” (animal crackers), “suh” (sun), and the self-explanatory “wow” and “uh-oh”.

THE VERY DEFINITION OF ENTHRALLING.

You’re just mad because you have nothing to gush about.

IN WHAT MAGICAL, GUSH-WORTHY REALM IS “DECKS” A SUITABLE STAND-IN FOR “ANIMAL CRACKERS”?

It’s really closer to “cucks”, I guess, which is sort of like “crackers”, right?

IT’S ALMOST MORE CRACKERS THAN CRACKERS.

Didn’t White Zombie sing that?

TO WIDESPREAD CRITICAL ACCLAIM.  I HESITATE TO BRING THIS UP GIVEN THE MAUDLIN AFFAIR THAT WAS YOUR LAST POST, BUT HAS ANYTHING COME OF YOUR QUEST FOR ASIAN-FLAVORED MENTAL ENLIGHTENMENT?

I’m reenergized in that arena!  I have a handsome, spiral-bound meditation book that is plainly and incisively written, and I sit on a dog pillow in the attic and think about Sendoh!

GREAT, SENDOH!  WELL, THAT’S TOPS!

Tops is the word!

REALLY SOMETHING!

Sendoh, whom I will feel free to identify for you as only myself, my wife, a select handful of geeks and anyone who came of age in 1990’s-era Japan knows who he is, happens to be a character, and a relatively minor one at that, on my current favorite program: “Slam Dunk”:

I’VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO BE A FAN OF EITHER BASKETBALL OR NON-PORNOGRAPHIC ANIME.

I’m not!  At best both concepts typically bore me, so this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that old trope that we don’t choose what we enjoy, but rather what we enjoy chooses us.

WELL, YOU’VE DONE SOME IMPORTANT WORK HERE.

I initially started watching “Slam Dunk” on Hulu because I couldn’t think of anything in particular I wanted to watch at the time, and I was scrolling through their…hold on, the thing with two heads is competing in a dirt bike race now.

HE IS NOT.  IS HE REALLY?

Yes, and he’s fighting amongst himself while doing it.  The white old man head doesn’t want to be involved in the race.

HONKIES DON’T KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

If only they could loosen up a little.

IT TOOK YOU FIFTEEN MINUTES TO COME UP WITH THAT RESPONSE?

Sorry, I’m completely into this movie now.  There’s a lot of cop cars getting wrecked in a variety of truly exciting ways.

DAMN IT.  WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A STUPID BLOG THAT DOESN’T GET TO WATCH ANY FUN MOVIES?

I think the thing with two heads is about to have sex with someone.

STOP TWISTING THE KNIFE.  YOU WERE ABOUT TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS SENDOH.  WHICH ONE OF THE GUYS IN THAT VIDEO OF THE THEME SONG IS HE?  IS IT THE HUGE REDHEAD GUY?

No, that’s Sakuragi.  He’s the main character and is extremely funny in an over-the-top egotistical way.  The show is frequently hilarious despite the cheesy seriousness on display in that video.  Sakuragi is a high school freshman who joins the basketball team in an attempt to impress a girl, who happens to be the little sister of the star player, a big guy named Akagi who thinks he’s an idiot and is constantly punching him in the head.  Over the course of the series he discovers and displays a true talent and fondness for the game, and while that’s the focal thread of the show, the writers spend a lot of time with supporting characters as well, and throughout the viewer is privy to the inner monologues of nearly everyone who becomes involved in the story, however peripherally.  It probably sounds like too much to keep up with, but it’s compelling enough that you hang on everyone’s every word, so following along is generally not an issue whether your attention span is as decimated as my own or not, and even if you did happen to get lost along the way a gruff narrator enthusiastically provides an exhaustive synopsis of the story thus far at the beginning of each episode.  As I mentioned, every side story is treated with the same level and weird combination of humor and respect that Sakuragi’s saga is afforded, so one is left with a very thorough understanding of this mini universe of bullheaded, insecure young athletes and the paunchy coaches who try to tell them what to do.  Allow yourself a few episodes to get used to it, and you may find yourself as hooked as my wife and I.

IN NO WAY DID I REQUIRE THAT MUCH INFORMATION.  SO ANNIE LIKES THIS SHOW AS WELL?

Yes, a LOT, and she has even less interest in anime and basketball than myself.

SO SENDOH IS A GUY IN THIS SHOW WHO INSPIRES MEDITATION?

He is!  In me at least!  While most of the main characters in the show are good at playing basketball, Sendoh is fluidly, effortlessly good.  He does what he has to do to get the ball into the basket, without getting upset at the opponents who attempt to psyche him out and block his path.  He knows they’re just doing what they have to do as well.  He is one of the few fictional characters in any medium that I’ve encountered who seem as close to perfectly centered as one could hope to be.  He’s in the moment, and while he’s as susceptible to fatigue or injury as any human who regularly engages in a fast-paced, physically demanding sport, he never lets his desire to win or his aggression towards his opponents distract him from the task at hand.  He basks in victory and accepts defeat as they come, and revels in any challenge that leads to one or the other.

HE SOUNDS LIKE A HECK OF A GUY.

This is Sendoh:

VERY HANDSOME.  ARE YOU GOING TO GET A JAZZY POINTED HAIRDO LIKE HIS AS WELL?

I think I would have a hard time getting to sleep with that much hair on my head.

SO THINKING ABOUT THIS SENDOH CHARACTER HELPS YOU IN YOUR MEDITATIVE EXPLOITS?

No!  In fact it’s a hindrance!  What the idea of being like Sendoh does is inspire me to take the time out of my evening to actually sit down and attempt to get my mental affairs in order.  If I could attain even a fraction of the confidence and compassion displayed by this nonexistent cartoon character from a Japanese cartoon from the early nineties, I believe I would be a happier person, or at any rate would enjoy being around myself more.  But the problem is if I concentrate on Sendoh as some type of mantra or an object to fixate on, I just end up thinking about cartoons, or about my historic lack of natural abilities when it comes to team sports, and it becomes a depressing distraction.  He’s something of an inspiration in that he represents to my mind the idea of being perfectly centered, and as such he’s an impetus for me to go upstairs and sit down and do the thing.

SO IN SOME SENSE YOU’RE TRYING TO PURGE DISTRACTIONS FROM YOUR BRAIN?  WON’T THAT ESSENTIALLY ELIMINATE YOUR PERSONALITY, IN YOUR CASE?

Well, what IS my personality?  It’s just a set of behaviors that others have come to expect and that I’ve come to rely on to get me through the day.  Distractions will happen whether I want them or not, and I will always be “myself” to varying degrees, but being a slave to either of these things won’t lead to anything much that resembles progress, or, failing that, contentment.

YOU’RE TRYING TO GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR BRAIN.

That’s the idea.

NEAT-O.

It IS neat-o, in a way I may never fully understand.  Actually the neat-o part is you don’t have to understand it, you just have to do it.  Normally I hate doing things, but…

MAYBE YOU JUST SAY YOU “HATE DOING THINGS” BECAUSE PEOPLE EXPECT YOU TO BE NEGATIVE AND LAZY, BOTH TRAITS YOU CONSTANTLY REINFORCE TO GET LAUGHS AND TO AVOID HAVING TO WORK AT ANYTHING.

Say, you’re pretty perceptive for a blog!

AND YOU’RE FAT!

Cheers!

SEE YOU IN 6 – 8 MONTHS!

It’s a date!

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