I haven’t blandly recounted the doings of my day in awhile.

Got up and started getting ready for work. Forgot it was supposed to be icy out until Annie croaked out “Check the news”, which I did, and it was. Kevin Mannix had computer-painted the state of Maine red and blue. We were in the blue, just barely. It was hard to tell which color was better to be in. You think blue, you think ice, but he seemed to be saying more bad things about the red area. Anyway, we both called out of work.

The first thing I remember doing is washing the dishes, something I like doing lately. As tedious annoyances go, it’s a relaxing one. I like to pretend that I’m unearthing and polishing artifacts that I’ve discovered, which sadly isn’t so fantastical a notion in the case of our flatware. There were a lot of dirty bowls because I bought a big box of Cheerios last week and we’ve been enjoying them a lot. Cheerios is one of those things you don’t always think to buy, but they’re always good. Also washed a glass casserole dish that had been used to cook brownies in some time ago, about six coffee mugs, and a couple of brightly colored plastic tumblers. I always feel particularly inconvenienced whenever I find myself washing plastic cups. It’s like washing a TV dinner tray or something of that nature, something you could just chuck. Yet I don’t have that problem washing plastic plates. There’s no explanation.

After that Annie and myself spent a lot of time transferring mp3s from the big old dying computer to the reasonably flashy new laptop. We’re a little concerned that the big computer is going to bite it fairly soon, and it’s kind of fun to send songs back and forth, even though we’re literally inches apart while doing so. We did this for a very, very long time.

Some DVDs I borrowed from the Old Town library were due today, and driving didn’t seem like a very good idea on the rinklike roads, so we chose to walk, whereupon driving suddenly seemed like the best idea anyone ever had, but we tromped our way through the slush and brought them back. Annie paid off her long overdue library fines, and I was able to take out that newish Steve Martin stand-up memoir, which I’m certain I will like even if it doesn’t end up being very good. I also got a new Stephen King/Richard Bachman book called “Blaze”. I haven’t read any Stephen King for quite awhile, but I’ve always enjoyed his Bachman books. There’s a fun formlessness to them that tends to draw me in. I got some other book by some lawyer about being good at arguing. I’m not sure what made me get that. Annie got that book where the guy who likes to do weird shit and write about it reads all the encyclopedias and some horrible looking book about little girls. On our way out a guy we both knew a little bit from college walked in, and we all kind of squinted and smiled at each other without exchanging words. It was equal parts weird, funny, and sad.

After that more wet tromping through perilous walkways to Johnny’s, a place that is kind of gross that we both like to eat at. We usually get breakfasts, today being no exception. I usually get an Arizona sweet tea but today I got coffee and water. Where we usually sit is in front of a big window that affords a great view of the mint-colored store across the street, called Tim’s Little Big Store. There are always lots of interesting-looking people going in and out of that store. It’s mostly a beer and cigarettes type of place. A week or so ago, we were at Johnny’s and through that window witnessed a shirtless young man taunting an older gentleman, who had a white plastic bucket, and the older guy would periodically heave a bucketful of snow at the shirtless young man, and then the shirtless young man would raise his arms victoriously and go “WOOOO!” We bemusedly alerted our waitress to this scene, and she tched and said “Oh, that’s just Derek”, which, oddly enough, explained everything.

Lots of people fahtin’ around, but nothing too interesting out the window today that I can recall. Annie got the “Umaine Bomber”, which is a dish centered around Johnny’s pretty tasty corned beef hash. Over the past two years, we have both developed a deep fondness for corned beef hash. I would liken it to the best dog food you’ve ever tasted. I got “Johnny’s Big Breakfast”, which consists of 2 eggs, 2 large pancakes, home fries, toast, choice of breakfast meat (I have been tending towards bacon of late), and baked beans. I hate home fries and always forget to substitute something else. Johnny’s home fries are particularly bad. They have a briny tinge to them that I don’t appreciate, like they’ve been marinated in mollusk expectorant. Their bacon is pretty damn good, however. Not too crispy, not too floppy. The pancakes are pancakes, although today’s were a bit drier than I would have liked, and I don’t think they remembered to heat up the baked beans, but I ate them anyway because I’m way into baked beans. The raisin toast was adequate, and the eggs were just fine. I also ate a lot of Annie’s corned beef hash.

We were not excited to walk back home, especially now that we had library books to tote around, but you could hit Johnny’s with a flung piece of pocket lint from our apartment. But our feet were wet, and we are not in shape, and so we were sad about it. We bumbled our way inside and lied down and fell into a carbohydrate coma for about an hour while listening to the audiobook for “The Jane Austen Book Club”, which probably would have lulled us into unconsciousness whether we’d consumed several googol butter-plumped calories or not.

I don’t know why this happened but I shot out of my nap and immediately began washing another load of dishes, this one mostly consisting of glasses. Then I came in here and did this, and now I’ve done it, and it’s done.



  1. If Kevin Mannix ‘googles’ himself on a regular basis he will now be sure to stop at this entry. Last night I had a dream that Joe and I were in a very posh club in Philadelphia and a man named “Kevin Mannix” attempted to pick me up on my way to the bathroom. I was really confused since he looked more like Danny Masterson than Kevin Mannix but he explained that he was not “that” Kevin Mannix, he was the son of a famous Victoria Secret model “Anne Mannix”(?) and Joe was still mad at him.

    We love Cheerios over here. We always buy them, though.

  2. butthorn Says:

    One time at Videoport I had the pleasure of watching Kevin Mannix desperately try to worm his way out of a electronics-related conversation with Jordan. He handled it with commendable aplomb, but Jordan had him cornered. It was riveting.

  3. I think Jordan is my neighbor now.

    I hope Kevin Mannix does look himself up on the internet.

  4. There should be a band called Kevin Mannix’s Sweater.

  5. butthorn Says:

    He had a big ol’ crazy puffy Huxtable one on the other day, matter of fact. Clearly, Mannix is a man who values coziness.

  6. I tried to work it out so that he would say Annie’s name during a morning forecast once. I wonder what happened with that.

    This must be a terrible winter if I have written three posts about Kevin Mannix today. I feel badly about myself now.

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